Hell Is Others
by Reliquary
Summary: Darth Revan finds himself in the afterlife, confronted by the spirits of his former friends. Will they be his eternal torment...or will he be theirs? DSM Revan, AU, oneshot.


**A/N:** This story is inspired by Jean-Paul Sartre's _Huis clos _(English: No Exit), the idea being that hell is other people and their presence is one's punishment. The image of Revan bickering with his former friends in the afterlife appeared to me rather vividly. As stated in the summary: DSM Revan, AU. Enjoy, and I would appreciate some reviews. :)

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><p>If this was hell, Darth Revan reflected, then it wasn't really that bad.<p>

A flat, empty plain stretched in all directions, covered by a thin, swirling mist. The sky was a dark void, but a strange light came from somewhere, illuminating the landscape—not that there was anything to see.

"I have to admit," Revan mused to himself, "I am a little disappointed. I was expecting something more along the lines of fire and brimstone."

"Do you think you shall be allowed to walk free, Revan?" a familiar, accented voice demanded from behind him. "Do you imagine that we shall let you spend eternity unpunished for your crimes?"

The Sith Lord turned around. Standing before him were the three people he least wanted to see, the last people he had expected: Juhani, Jolee Bindo, and Mission Vao.

"Oh, hell," Revan said.

"Precisely," Juhani said, baring her teeth in a grim smile. "_We _are your torment, Revan."

Revan frowned. "I'm going to be stuck here listening to you three nattering at me for all eternity? This place is getting worse all the time."

"Nattering's for old people, idiot," Mission snapped, hands on her hips.

"Watch who you're calling old, missy," Jolee scowled.

The Twi'lek glared at him. "I wasn't talking to you!"

"Pathetic," Revan muttered.

"Excuse me?" Juhani demanded. She glanced at her bickering companions. "Shut up."

"Remind me what this is supposed to be accomplishing, exactly?" Revan asked. "You lost me somewhere around the 'we are your torment' nonsense."

The Cathar Jedi sighed. "You are being confronted by the victims of your evil. You are supposed to be feeling guilty."

"Guilty? _Me? _Sorry, I think you've mistaken me for some other Revan. There are a few of us running around, you know."

"Don't try beating around the bush, Revan," Jolee said. "I know that deep down inside you, there is still some good! I know that somewhere inside your soul, you are suffering for what you did to us!"

Revan snorted. "As if."

"We were your friends, Revan," Juhani said. "Your friends! And you killed us. Do not try to tell me that you feel nothing."

Revan rolled his eyes. "You're wasting your time. This is _Darth Revan _we're talking about here. You know, scourge of the galaxy and all that?"

"What, so you talk about yourself in the third person now?" Mission gibed. "And don't give me that 'scourge of the galaxy' crap. I _know _you! You're about as scary and threatening as a bantha cub."

"So that's why you didn't run?" Revan chuckled. "Stupid kid. Word of advice: If Carth tells you to get the hell away, you do what he says… Speaking of which, where is Carth? Shouldn't he be on your little welcoming committee?"

"That's because Carth's not dead," Jolee said in too-patient tones.

"He's not? Really? Funny, I would have thought my commandos would have hunted him down by now. Oh well, I'm sure he'll be found soon enough. The million-credit bounty should provide decent incentive."

"Carth has a million credits on his head?" Mission's eyes widened. "Wow."

"Yes, he will probably be joining us before long." Revan looked around. "It'll be just like old times…"

"You got that right," said Canderous Ordo as he coalesced out of the mist. He glanced at the two Jedi and the Twi'lek. "Long time no see."

"Canderous," Revan said disgustedly. "I should have known. This party just wouldn't be complete without you, would it?"

The Mandalorian warrior grinned. "I couldn't pass up the chance to annoy you for a few eons, Revan. Not after what you did."

"Ooh, what happened? What happened?" Mission asked, bouncing up and down enthusiastically.

Juhani and Jolee exchanged a long-suffering look.

Canderous gave Revan a dark glare. "I went through hell to unite the clans to fight for the Sith," he snarled, "And what do I get? Accusations of treason and a public execution."

"Omigoshwhy?" Mission gasped.

"Treachery is the way of the Sith," Juhani observed.

Revan returned Canderous' glare. "I'm not an idiot," he snapped. "I know that you were sleeping with Bastila behind my back."

"Hey, I'm not about to pass up an offer like she made."

"You had a private harem, you womanizer! There was no reason to go around trespassing in other people's yards."

"She was lonely," Canderous smirked. "I was there. You weren't. End of story."

Mission clapped her hands over her mouth. "Scandalous!" she breathed. "I can see it now, the tabloid headlines…"

"The thought of either of you having sex with anyone makes me nauseous," Jolee grumbled. "Can we please drop the subject?"

"You just couldn't stand the thought that Bastila loved me more than you," Canderous told Revan snidely.

The Sith Lord laughed. "Bastila has never loved anyone in her life, least of all you. Face it, she was using you." His mood abruptly turned somber. "Ever since she turned to the dark side, that woman has been such a _slut_…" he muttered.

"Bastila? _Really?_" Mission asked. Then she grimaced. "Ewwww."

"Enough of this nonsense!" Juhani yelled.

Everyone turned to look at her.

"In all seriousness," the Cathar said, "This is supposed to be about Revan's sins, not his overly complicated tabloid-bait of a love life."

"Can I quote you on that?" Mission asked.

Canderous rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"I don't know what you're arguing about, anyway," Jolee put in. "Bastila may not have batted an eyelash to see you die, Canderous, but let's remember that she killed Revan here herself. Now _that _takes dedication."

Mission's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

Canderous gave Revan an appraising look. "_Bastila_ killed you?" he said. "Wow. That's…that's just pathetic. I mean, really… Bastila?"

If looks could kill, the Mandalorian would be dead twice over. "It wasn't exactly a fair fight," Revan snapped.

"Really, now," Canderous said, eyebrow raised insolently.

"She…she stabbed me in the back," Revan muttered. "I never thought she would do it. The backlash from the Force-bond should have killed her. It's not fair."

"I think you got what you deserved, you two-faced creep!" Mission yelled.

Canderous shook his head. "Poor, trusting Revan. Thought a woman that he'd trained to be a remorseless killing machine wouldn't betray him. That's pretty sad…isn't it, Jolee?"

The old man nodded. "Very true."

"I…you…" Revan sputtered.

"You brought this on yourself, Revan!" Juhani said sternly. "Darkness always turns upon itself. You were a fool not to realize it."

"Noob," Mission added.

"I hate you all!" Revan shrieked.

His only answer was four identical, wicked grins.


End file.
